I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
