What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
