8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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