"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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