Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
