in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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