youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
