Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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