just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
