If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
