Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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