The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
