I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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