I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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