Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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