i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
