yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
