I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
