I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
