I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
