just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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