you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
