1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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