i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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