I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
