she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
