I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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