Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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