he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
