cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
