You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
