peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
this just has baby written all over it
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Can I color on your dick again?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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