he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Damn victory sex feels great
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