My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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