ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you win again, gameday.
the day after is always just damage control
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
