my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
