the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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