it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
