Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I could make wine with my vomit
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
