I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
