I wanna passion pit in your ass
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
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