Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
