There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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