nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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