Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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