Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
