I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
