the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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