i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
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I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
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I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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