i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
