Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
