Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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