One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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