I am spending my child support on dildos
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
