We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
