If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Sober January is a disaster.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
