That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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