He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
