Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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