You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
