she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
