I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
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he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
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You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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