I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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