i'm signing you up for texting rehab
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
