you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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