The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
