There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
