I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
