Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
vagina is talking i cant
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
