you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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